So we went out to eat today. It was pretty cool and shit, and my mom was close to not accepting the offer. But I did my best to eat as much as I possibly could. idk, there wasn’t anything at the house and I was making sure I got my fill of everything I could. I really wish I had a bigger stomach. Couldn’t make it past my second plate though lol.
Afterwards, we came home and watched Atlantis. Man… I can only say that even with that good stuff happening, Sundays are the days I get the most depressed. It’s something I try to avoid. All the church people that purposely use female pronouns. Ugh. This lady that never spoke to me at all just kept saying all these “miss, lady of god, maiden” and shit and it bugged the fuck out of me. I hated it so much, I tried to ignore and tried to just think of other things…
But it always comes back like a punch in the face.
What I hate most is when I’m around a shit ton of people and my older sister will say loudly “ARE YOU ON YOUR PERIOD” cause I’m never in a good mood when she’s around talking about how we’re sisters and shit. When my younger brothers and sister refer to me as a chick. I know they don’t mean harm, I KNOW they don’t. My younger sis doesn’t remember all the time, and it’s okay. It’s just the little things like that that fucking annoy me. I don’t want people behind or in front of me to know of my biological sex. I don’t want anyone to know. I hate it when they blurt it out. I was in the worst mood.
Ugh it’s whatever though. Sunday is over and I’ll have to mentally prepare for the next. One day I’ll be alone, and I’ll enjoy every fucking second. Cause the only person who gets me is me. And I’ll be fucking happy that way. Everyone says they’d like to at least be around someone when they go out. I don’t get that sometimes, but I guess it’s cause I just can’t stand being around people for too long. I like being around me long enough to talk to myself, rant to myself cause I’ll always listen till the end of it. It’s like I can prep talk myself out of the sadness sometimes, and it’s relaxing when I listen to music, blocking out other peoples voices. It’s an amazing feeling cause I feel like I’m on top of the world sometimes. No one can hurt me that way.
But the people that support me are allowed to come along, cause that’s all I’ll need. My closest friends and my tumblr bros. All of you and those I hold dear are enough company. If there’s anyone I’d rather be around all the time it’s my closest friends, my lovely bros that I care so much for. Cause they’ll listen, they’ll help me, they’ll respect me.
On the plus side, I made a friend with a small kid at the restaurant. We were making faces and laughing together from around our tables and it was cute as fuck. I love making kids smile and laugh. I think his mom was a little weary of me. His older bro saw I think. But it was cute and fun. I didn’t get to say bye.